When the waves of uncertainty hit the shore.
When nurtured hopes turns to ashes.
When feeling of cared withers away.
When pleasure of laughter become a thing of past.
Is it good to wish for normalcy anymore?
Is it okay to hang in the memories for an upturn?
When I used to tell my husband about how he has to be serious in minding the household works, it always pushes for a talk. Finally, I used to end up in saying the way it maintained in my house or his house can't be a way of our house. Then he would retort" why can't we follow; didn't you get fish fry at your house same as your brother got ". Bringing about 'fish fry' in the middle to invoke the sentiments shared by an actor about her experience of gender inequality she faced at her home was the way he brought sarcasm into the matter to shoo me away. But that story was the real-life experience of many women of my age at their homes. That kind of gender inequality persisted and even persists in these times too. Now, with two girl kids I'm yet to see how me and our girls are going to teach my husband the lessons of gender equality which he missed from his growing time.
It has been a normal procedure in Kerala now to see the death of married women due to domestic violence on the dowry given at the time of marriage. Some of them are murders and others belong to suicide category. Anyway, the end of marriage comes as end of these women. As a person from Kerala, it has been a shame to face the world due to the news of these kinds that comes from my place.
It is a paradox that Kerala, a state with highest literacy rate, rates number one in the system of dowry marriages too. Thus it proves literacy of people has nothing to do with knowledge of people. Parents of gentlemen are ready to bargain and parents of ladies are ready to accept the demands made. It is a firm belief that malayali have whether a girl is given education or not, she has to be given dowry and that too as per quoted by her future partner and family. Its better if she feel ‘less’ self sufficient, financially dependent and rational, reasonable and logical. If somebody is submissive with no suggestion, wish and interest, she would be the perfect example of modest woman. This is not limited to any special religion, caste, or any social or financial strata of this Kerala society. This society as whole think a girl has to be sending off with wealth then only she will have some value. So in short she is considered as a value less item in own house so that she is send with wealth to in laws because her parents don’t want some loss to that family!!!
Not every family is like that, I agree. But, even though these arrangements are not made or no talk about wealth happens, people still got a belief that parents share of wealth to girl should be announced to the groom and family. More than that, a girl is not considered as someone with the capacity to take decisions of her own life. Financial independence is still something that attributed to men only. Of course women around are found to be financially independent yet most of the time I used to hear that they got the permission from their counter parts for being so. It’s still a custom that women have to get permission from men for anything because they are women. It’s not a question of who's better to whom. They called it marriage; it’s the life of those people and normal people discuss and plan. If man is doubtful woman can help and vice versa, but unfortunately this is not the case. The society I live think men has to be the decision makers, and men are proud to announce this that they give their wives freedom!!!
So, these kinds of families force a lot of women to live their life with suffocation. At the end, some ends life, some gets out of that burden. The patriarchal society is the reason for those deaths. All are responsible; people who silently allow these bad customs and people who never object. Recently when these suicides news were on front pages of newspaper, I remember seeing a scene that happened at that time in some channel. That serial is said to be of an iron lady and it’s all about women power and revenge. The model woman of this serial is saying that her sister after marriage may not come to college to finish her graduation because the groom has to decide it. And in many scenes the same kind of dialogues are said. It was really shocking to hear such things in a serial, especially from the leading lady are boasted of to be the model woman of this age. Anyway it’s just a serial, but this is the thing happen with our society. Hope these nonsense stop soon. Hope all will understand people are wealth, regardless of gender. Just wish all relationships start on love, respect and understanding than on the agreement of wealth made between known and unknown people of those tie knot.
As I wished and requested for some years, now I’m transferred and posted in my home state now. In fact in home town, very near to home place only 8 Km distance from home to work place. So, as usual people can think what else you need; now you are back to the place you wish for, the food, water and air you love and near to your dear ones, right? I also thought my life would be joyful if I’m posted to home town, especially with my kid and parents. The joy to live with family is there, but life is chaotic, not only mine, but the lives of my family is also up-side down now. Managing baby along with job is stressful, but I feel even without family obligations I wouldn’t be happy here.
Current place of work is distressing for me. I feel nothing positive here, neither the job profile nor the people. It could be only my issue. Here people are happy and contempt of their work and with each other. I really miss FCI Tuticorin; the office, the people. Even though I had to sacrifice clean good food, air and water there, I was satisfied with the environment. In two months here, the only thing I want now is to get rid off this office and get rid off the people. Life becoming so unbearable at times due to the work environment that even I’m getting irritated with my family. I know there is only one solution for this; I have to adapt with the situation, I have to find harmony with this environment. Wish I succeed with that so that I can be happy with my family.
Now I get to know what actually faced by the women folk of India after a time in their life, the pressure of work and family… Don’t want to award that tension to women only, but the truth is women faces more issues than men in this regard in India, that’s from my experience. And more than that it’s all about where you reach. I may have reached a place where I’m not fitted into. I feel I’m being wasted here… there is no growth here, either personal or professional.
